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April 23, 2002

Moments of Rage

.  First let me preface this by apologizing for the extra long blog, but this was more for my sake than yours. Read it while you can, I may edit it later. Today was a weird day for me--many moods, many emotions. Not to be cliché, but it was a bit of a roller coaster ride. I can't really explain it all, but some I'll try to. After eight hours of sleep, I woke up to my alarm. Snooze. Alarm. Snooze. Happens every time. I was still tired. Once I was up, I was fine. My friend Maria got her job back for the summer so that was a good starting point for the day. But then I soon realized that I still don't have something that I'm satisfied with. And this hung over me for a few hours. Walk outside: it's snowing.

During my office hours, someone was in for help so that took my mind off of things. It feels good to help. Then I had class. I'm not really "into" my concurrent systems class. My not doing as well as I would like to brought me down as we were going over the test we got back. I was hoping to boost my GPA this quarter (I still may, but just not very much). I was a bit dazed and removed for the rest of the class. After concurrent, I should have been happy because my 4:00 was cancelled for Monday and Tuesday. But I wasn't feeling well. A weird/depressing/heavy feeling had overcome my body. I looked to see if there were any new co-op job postings. Not many of interest. Still not feeling too great. Still snowing.

I want sugar and I want it now! Luckily it was free cone day at Ben & Jerry's. We have one on campus. One Sweet Whirled. Yum! A minor upper. I go home. Plop myself on the bed. Start to think. Feeling down. In one of my moments of rage (apparently this is quotable, hehe), I decided I should cut my hair off. I am now bald! Nooo, just kidding. But I did give myself a haircut. It took me quite a while but I think mommy would be proud. No, I didn't use clippers; it was all scissor. Now this wasn't a major haircut, but I took enough off for it to be noticeable. It was just getting too long. I was hoping to cut my worries away. Didn't work, but it felt good in the moment.

Change of pace. It's getting late and I'm sure you're all sick of reading this. I'm sick of writing it. But it feels good to get it out... The hair upper didn't last long. And it's still snowing (the weather and its correlation with my mood is a whole other story best saved for another blog). Back to feeling moody and my mind begins to think random thoughts. It helps to get things off your mind, even if it's just in an email. Time for food. Rosie makes me smile. Reading is good, stimulates the mind. Reading is fundamental. (Hopefully it'll help me write better!) It's hard to get started doing homework. I worried that I wouldn't get anything done tonight. But once I got started, I acquired some momentum and then it was smooth sailing. Now the brain activity was making me feel good. The best I had all day. I felt I put in some quality effort. Setting goals and accomplishing them is awesome. Being in a good mood made me want to talk to people and talk about it; that is a good thing. As for the roller coaster, "at least it's ending up." I'm not the only quotable one.

Posted by phil at April 23, 2002 01:16 AM

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